Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Tuesday, July 03, 2007 ●

The silent and unfallen tears...

i dun feel lyk walking to sch in the morning... juz those lazy feelings overwhelming me. well, hmm we will be sitting in our new sitting arrangement from tml onwards until term 4. hmm my new partner is mingjun. well anw, my row is quite cosy, as in the feeling haha (: well, miss sitting wif kasthuri n crap wif her haha (: i huv to admit tt after tt thing, i feel soo slack. as if i have oredi given up in my studies. no matter how hard i try, those qns r realli a challenge to me. apart from realli slacking n not paying attention during lesson, i m gonna FLUNK all my tests and exams coz i m such a coward in the face of failure. all those chem, physics, amaths stuff r lyk aliens to me. it's juz lyk another language tt i completely dunno abt them. i juz dun huv the energy to work hard anymore. i noe i m wasting my own time n being silly, but, arr... i juz feel lyk killing myself wen i try to attempt those challenging qns. might as well kill me rite. i realli feel lyk giving up completely upon seeing those freaking qns!!! n the thought of facing the true n cruel reality juz make me soo full... i wonder how am i gonna finish my dinner. my mum's gonna kill me. i realli dun huv the appetite kkays. i wonder how ppl actually find lessons to be interesting. tml will be a tiring dae... amaths in the morning n last 2 periods of chem. n after tt make-up lesson fer emaths. well, sec 3 life r oredi soo hectic.... i wonder will i live to see sec 4 life manz. maybe i m wad they call "cao3 mei2 yi4 zhu2" or "wen1 shi4 li3 de4 xiao3 hua1". can't even withstand a little bit of standbacks. i wonder how other ppl will do if tt thing happpen on them. i m running away from the prob i m facing. in fact, i dun feel any zhen1 shi2 gan3 in my everydae life. everydae is lyk a blurry state to me. n guess wad? i m changing to be better le! haha i m stronger!!! of cuz not physically, but emotionally! yupp (: cheers fer tt! i m better at holding back. everything's so freaking sucky oh manz... but it's true tt every time after i pray, i feel soo light, with lesser burden. coz God is listening to my prayer. He's giving me the strength to carry and. N i realli feel much better after confiding in Him! physics theory bk is another thing tt makes me soo depressed n demoralised this few daes. another one will be amaths. hmm i dunno wen to apply remainder theorem, wen to apple factor theorem or wadeva. think i m gonna juz die fer this chap. my bro sae this is the chap where i can score. but tell me how? of cuz i noe it's a chap fer us to score. but how? tell me??? wen i dun even noe how to do the qn COMPLETELY! i think one dae i will realli suffer from depression ar. n dere's el oral, emaths n amaths test this fri. oh goshes!!! y the sch huv to put so mani things on fri. i juz feel lyk a robot. doing everything accordingly, without knowing y i m doing, what i m doing, no feeling at all. once at home, the robot in me is being switched off. well... off to watching tv soon. n i m saving money to buy the things i wan from now on! coz i think i realli feel soo shameful n soo sucky. my parents bought me my fone last yr. n it's a gift of encouragement fer me to work hard fer sec 3. well, i huv broken tt promise. i m a liar u can sae tt. i dun wanna owe them anything. i oredi owe them soo much promises. tt i even feel lyk i m always making empty promises. hmm with a weekly allowances of 20, i guess i realli needa save save save to buy my own stuff le! to be independent. to not feel so remorse towards my parents. haha my sec 1 saving plans is on again haha!!!


The gray world spinning.

xxxxxx

( Run to the city. )