Friday, October 06, 2006
Friday, October 06, 2006 ●

fighting back the tears in my eyes yet trying to sustain the joy present in me
i don even treat this streaming seriously. n i don even feel regretful. maybe is partly coz my mind is not in the studying state now.n is also partly coz i haven got back my results yet. I AM preparing fer the worst. Had lit n math ytd. n i nearly cry during the math paper 1. the whole paper is quite sulky lar. it is the first time tt i m soo scared during math paper. haiz... i m simply juz sooo shagged. i m so scared tt my hands are trembling. I keep praying in my heart. But i muz realli txks God fer giving me the courage to face this exam without crying. But after math paper, i realli feel lyk crying. I was holding back my tears. I don even wanna gif a chance fer those tears to well up in my eyes. everything juz sux ytd lar. went home n i was damn slacked n tired. so after i bathe, went to slp fer 2 or 3 hrs. wake up, eat dinner. started doing my art until 12. until this morning in the train, is my first time flipping thru the history bk. wen i reach sch, i saw all my classmates studying fer history. But i juz can't bring myself to study! even wen they announce tt we got extra 30 min to revise fer our exam, i juz can't revise lar. n i was holding back my tears again. i was sooo damn scared. i never even revise fer my history. n wadeva i read juz can't get into my mind. i m realli in a state of panic. During flag raising, i was mentally preparing myself to FLUNK the whole paper. But i juz can't imagine how sad i will feel on tt dae wen i receive my results. The next moment i noe dere was tears in my eyes lar. n my vision was quite blur. can't possibly cry during national anthemn rite. I was trying HARD to fight back my tears. I HUV been TRYING the whole morning. I manage to succeed. I find studying wif tania hazel n suan so relaxing. realli. it is this relax tt they provide me tt gif me the determination to hold back my tears. I urge myself not to cry. What's done cannot be undone. Am i right?
i was not anxious or nervous during the history paper. dere's a lot of question tt i dunno how to do. n i got the format fer SBQ n the essay qs. all WRONG! n i juz can't tell the difference between one side n two side. I AM JUZ NOT IN THE MOOD TO STUDY N DO ANYTHING TODAE! my mind was blank. so i skip to do the SEQ. It was at LEAST better than the SBQ qn. Let me tell u y i m not scared during the exam. coz i m alreadi prepared to flunk the paper. n huv i gif up on history??? i realli duuno the ans fer this.
went fer recess wif hazel tania n wingyan. after tt was art exam. it is the most slack n relaxing exam tt i had. i actually enjoy the art exam. but i juz can't produce an artistic art piece. hmm...but i realli enjoy myself lar. feel so relieved tt art n history r over. hmm after tt went BK wif cindy xiner kalyn n wingyan. met joanne n her friend dere. they were studying fer sci. hmm...anw we were lyk so noisy in dere lar haha. n inside is damn hot tt i think i was sweating. but i realli enjoy myself dere. it was juz lyk after exam. feel so relax. is juz lyk a de-stress session. we were laughing lyk hell lar. haha until dere's tears in my eyes. my stomach pain. but the tears are happy tears. not sad tears haha. realli enjoy myself dere lar.
going to huv my LAST paper on mon. which is sci.
n i m so not going to do well fer streaming. i juz can't bring myself to my senses.

xxxxxx

( Run to the city. )