Saturday, September 02, 2006
Saturday, September 02, 2006 ●

*____________a hungry longing for peace
woke up at 10 plus todae. n i seriously can't get to slp anymore. haiz... tried to get some more slp...but somehow my mind juz wan me to wake up. realised that the hse is empty. i realli enjoy being alone in my hse. wif nobody to disturb me. i lyk the silence in the air. i enjoy the peacefulness. i enjoy doing the things tt i want to do. I enjoy the privacy. but, there is always a sense of loneliness creeping in the depth of my heart. All the silence will be gone wen my parents reach home. What can be heard is some sort of nagging, n thousands of qns. bombarding into my mind. My mind is in a state of miserable conditions. I seriously dunno wad to do. I juz can't find any peace in my hse wen i m not alone. I noe the nagging is fer my own good. but... ...
arrgh.... juz the thought of something will send my mind to high level of stress. I can't stand this type of life manz.
But tt's life rite. n life means to be lyk tt. am i rite or not?
i realli feel so trapped. whenever i huv something inside my heart, i can't find anyone to confide in.
dun even try to persuade me to confide in my family. All i get is not encouragement, console... but even more nagging n sometimes, reprimandation.
A waking up of my soul
todae, i finally realise tt i can onli confide in Jesus. (:
if not, my online diary, blog.
This is the place where i can blog whatever i want.
without my parents knowing.
I noe this sounds wrong.
but u can't possibly want me to keep all the stuff inside mind.
if not one dae i will definitely explode.
maybe i m the type of person tt cannot withstand stress.
fine, i admit it.
i can't cope wif stress properly.
haiz.... i dun wanna grow up.
i find tt there is a lot of things tt i m not aware of.
there is a lot of worries, stress.
n even, a lot of responsibility to take up.
I dun even dare to think of my future.
I know tt God has already planned my future.
but without working hard, i know tt my future will not be fruitful.
i dun wanna think of wad i will be lyk or how willi live in the future.
if u asks me wad is my ambition, i seriously dunno wad is my ambition.
the most i will ans. is fire fighter, police, counsellor... ...
even me dun even seems to understand myself.
sometimes, i dun even noe wad am i doing.
If u questions me about myself, sometimes, i will even doubt tt i AM myself.
Maybe, i am pessimistic at times.
Perhaps i shld learn to be optimistic all the times.
lyk wad my mum said, dun compare ourselves to someone better than us.
Compare ourselves wif someone who is living in a worse conditions than us.
"zhi zu chang le" i think this phrase realli protrays the above meaning.
But i juz can't live with it.
i noe tt i shld cherish everything n everyone arnd me.
But i juz din.
it was wen sabahat left fer bangladesh tt i realise i dun realli cherish the ones arnd me. but tt's human rite
as human, we dun realli cherish the things or ppl arnd us.
i feel tt my friends r leaving me.
Sabahat
zhenni, my pri. sch classmates
hmm.. zhenni is leaving singapore.
although i m not tt close to her, but she IS my friend rite.
it doesn't feel nice to see ppl leaving u.
but it doesn't feel nice also to leave behind ur friends.
am i right?

xxxxxx

( Run to the city. )